i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
