so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
