South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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