so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
please come you make the beer taste better
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize