Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
