somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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