i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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