Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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