Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
there is glitter all over my balls
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