I just saw a hot homeless man
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
