mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
