I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize