Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
