I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize