Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize