Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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