I heard we made out
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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