you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
