I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
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