eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
