wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
