It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
