I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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