oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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