today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
