turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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