So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
