you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
