I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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