Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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