DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
