last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
