just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize