the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I could make wine with my vomit
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
