She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
