ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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