That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
