I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
