so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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