My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
