I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
