I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize