i barfeds in our rink
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
