Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
