I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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