I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
