You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
