The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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