One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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