I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
