Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
this is an emotional support booty call
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