My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
