vagina is talking i cant
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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