I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
