So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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