you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i now understand why vodka
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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