Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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