It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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