My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize