I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
