She went from zero to smokin in five shots
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
