I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
