Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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