when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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