Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Randomize
