I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
