you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
