did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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