I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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