Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
