I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
