Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
