we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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