Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize