I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
