this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
