Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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