I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
