just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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