He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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