No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
