hotel room ftw
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
