she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
