Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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