if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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