I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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