If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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