Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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