It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
