There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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