Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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