the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
